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There's something wrong with me
Jan. 6th, 2024 10:53 pmLast night I went to bed at midnight and didn't wake up until 4 in the afternoon, that's 16 hours. I regularly sleep 12+ at a time, and even continue to feel tired after I get up. If I drink coffee, that helps me perk up, and then I might stay up 24 hours. My sleep schedule is *really* messed up, and it's affecting me and Colin in a negative way, so why am I so reluctant to talk to the doctor about it? Am I afraid it will turn out to be a symptom of something serious? Am I afraid she will simply tell me to try harder to get up and go to sleep at regular hours? I have tried, and it surprises me when I can't seem to sleep after being awake a long time. It surprises me when I go to bed early and still sleep 14-16 hours. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's annoying Colin that I won't bring it up to the doctor. I really should, the thought just makes me so anxious.
Possibly related, I watched a video today about ADHD in women, and it made me wonder if I have ADHD, if that explains some of my problems. I suppose I would have to see a psychologist to find out. Ah, that's one fear I have, that the doctor will say my sleep issues are a psychological problem and that I need to see a psych. I don't want to see a psychologist because they're so expensive, and I feel guilty for causing a financial burden on us. I always want to work out things on my own, if I can, for free or for much less money.
AHA, in writing this I figured it out! I'm afraid of how potentially EXPENSIVE it could be if I tell the doctor I'm still having sleep problems! I'm afraid of the cost of followup visits, tests, and treatments. I feel guilty and like a burden to my husband. I feel guilty that we've had to spend money on my mental issues in the past, but he's never had to seek counseling or a psychologist. I feel guilty for being The Weird One in our relationship, the one who seemingly always has some struggle to go through while he can just handle life like a normal person. Instead I seem to have big ups and downs. Colin's suggested before maybe I have bipolar disorder, but I brushed that off because haven't I seen enough psychologists that they would have diagnosed me by now? I don't know. I'm going to try really hard to make myself contact the doctor and tell her what's going on.
Possibly related, I watched a video today about ADHD in women, and it made me wonder if I have ADHD, if that explains some of my problems. I suppose I would have to see a psychologist to find out. Ah, that's one fear I have, that the doctor will say my sleep issues are a psychological problem and that I need to see a psych. I don't want to see a psychologist because they're so expensive, and I feel guilty for causing a financial burden on us. I always want to work out things on my own, if I can, for free or for much less money.
AHA, in writing this I figured it out! I'm afraid of how potentially EXPENSIVE it could be if I tell the doctor I'm still having sleep problems! I'm afraid of the cost of followup visits, tests, and treatments. I feel guilty and like a burden to my husband. I feel guilty that we've had to spend money on my mental issues in the past, but he's never had to seek counseling or a psychologist. I feel guilty for being The Weird One in our relationship, the one who seemingly always has some struggle to go through while he can just handle life like a normal person. Instead I seem to have big ups and downs. Colin's suggested before maybe I have bipolar disorder, but I brushed that off because haven't I seen enough psychologists that they would have diagnosed me by now? I don't know. I'm going to try really hard to make myself contact the doctor and tell her what's going on.
